Being home has provided another opportunity to think on the differences between my life in Korea and my life in the United States. Most recently I was thinking about some of the every day skills most people take for granted that I have not developed. I graduated from college in 2008 so I have not been in the job market all that long and aside from a brief and uneventful stint at the Vermont Teddy Bear factory as a seasonal sales consultant(aka: Valentine’s Day tchotchke hawker) my professional life has existed only in Korea. Therefor my ability to function as an adult has been molded by living in Korea more than living in the United States.

Here are some things that I can do in Korea that I do not know how to do or have never done in America:

-get a cell phone

-open a bank account

-get health insurance

-formally interview for a job

-confront a boss over a contract dispute

I think I have built up a large body of international experience and that it has had a profound effect on the way I think and act. But when it comes to the little things, I am going to have to relearn a lot when I finally settle down in America.

Me: Drake, what animal makes the best pet?

Drake: AIDS virus

Me: What do bears, foxes, and wolves have in common?

Katie: Teacher, they lay eggs

For the Arrested Development fans:

Me: What are beads?

Class: BEEES?!?!?!

Writing Tests:

“I have a hedgehog, but he don’t have a boyfriend.”

“If Santa Claus is in the world, I tell him give me freedom and give me a boy(friend)”

This last one is not something a student said, but it was on his pencil case and is the most hilarious example of Konglish I have seen in awhile.

“Joy, Hope, and Peace. Traveling will be a good outlet for you to expand your romantic interests.”

That is all for now. I will post again as I collect more. It should not take very long.

The reason I am writing again is because I am now at the halfway point of my time here and I am reevaluating my goals and seeing if I have accomplished any of the things I wanted to do for my second year in Korea. The answer is ‘No.’ I have saved very little money, I have no greater plans for the future, and my ability with Korean is still as dependent on points and grunts as much as depth of vocabulary and understanding of grammar and syntax. So I need to turn my situation around and stop wasting time. For much of my time here I have felt like I am on the island of the lotus eaters: far from home and distracted from reality by instant gratification. It is too easy to spend money on food and alcohol and too easy to waste time.

Every week feels the same. That is one side-effect of having a work week based on a school’s class schedule. Between the schedule and the lack of windows in my office, the weekdays become foggy and hard to recall in any detail. It makes it so hard to gauge the passage of time, and thus easy to waste time. I can hardly believe that I have been here for six months. I have completed half of my time, but I have accomplished half of nothing. This needs to change. I like to color my personal experiences with quotes from my favorite movies(often from James Bond). It makes them more interesting than they really are. One quote that keeps resurfacing comes from the new Star Trek. Looking at a boy with wasted potential, Admiral Pike says to a young James Kirk: “I dare you to do better.”

Learning hanja is akin to learning a bit of Ancient Greek or Latin in order to make sense of English words. However, it is much more important because something like 60% of Korean vocabulary is directly linked to a Chinese root. I’d say I only know about 50 characters by sight, but it has already helped my vocabulary acquisition. When I learn a word in isolation, it is very hard to remember. When I can connect it to a greater web of meaning, especially one that involves a pictorial representation, its meaning becomes much easier to retain.

I like how the picture and meaning of some characters are obviously connected while others are entirely mysterious. The character for disaster is a simple combination of the characters for river and fire. The majority of characters are not so transparent(at least for now).

While it is fun to figure out the pieces of characters, I have noticed something else that is not so fun: Chinese characters can be really sexist. I have no formal instruction in hanja so my observations may not be correct. But to me, it seems pretty clear.

My friend, who did study Chinese, explained this one to me: the character for woman(yeo) is four lines and a thick stroke around a circle. The lines and stroke represent the four legs and the stroke is the head. The circle, which is the dominant part of the character, represents the womb. It seems to mean that a woman’s defining characteristic is her womb and little else. Here are a few more examples:

-The character for slave(no) is comprised of two other characters, one of which is yeo, the character for woman.

-The character for wife(nae) is also the character for inside(as in being inside a house or building). This seems to suggest that women are supposed to remain inside.

-I’ve come across two or three different characters for queen. All of them had the second meaning of concubine.

I realize that a lot of English vocabulary can probably be traced to similar beginnings, so it is not something unique to Chinese culture or other cultures that have borrowed from it. It seems to be a product of patriarchal societies. I cannot say I have observed any behavior in modern Korea that was directly linked to the ancient origins of the language. That being said, Korea still possesses many practices that would be considered sexist to Western eyes. It makes me think about how much power words and language can possess.

Because of the time zone difference, the games start at 8:00 pm, 11:00pm, and 3:30am. If I watch the 11:00 game, I miss the last subway. Then it is just a couple hours until the 3:30 game. If I can stick it out through the whole game, I can catch the first subway back to Nowon at around 530am. I have been doing this for the past three weeks and it is wearing down my body. The worst part is that I walk past a McDonald’s on the way home. Not only am I suffering from lack of sleep, I am compounding it with a sausage McMuffin(or two) every time I do it. If you can walk past a McDonald’s at 6am tired, hungover, possibly soaked from rain- and not get a breakfast set for 3000won, then you are a far better man than I(you’re probably the Dalai Lama, or at least friends with him).

The weekend of Korea and USA’s respective losses, I emerged from Hollywood’s at dawn and made my way to the subway. On the way there I saw a large Irish man in a soccer jersey stomping up and down the middle of the street. At either end of his rotation he would yell: “MY NAME IS PATRICK, AND I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!” I was a safe distance away, so it was pretty funny. Then one group got a little too close as they walked by. I feared for the worst as Patrick changed his well-trodden orbit and made for the group that had dared enter his territory. He got right into the closest guys face and predictably yelled: “MY NAME IS PATRICK, AND I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!” Rather than cower in fear or run for cover. The man gave Patrick a great big hug. And Patrick hugged him right back. I always see something interesting when I go to Itaewon.

Sunday morning of this last weekend was the worst though. I got the first subway back at around 5:30am. I even got  a seat on the end so I could rest my head on the guard rail. It was a 30 minute ride so I promptly dosed off. When I woke up, I checked my watch and the minute hand was pointed at the 12. ‘I should be home soon.’ I thought. I look at the station name and realize I have never heard of it before. I wait one more stop. This name is also totally foreign to me. I check the map and realize I am going in the wrong direction, but I am only 3 stops past Itaewon. ‘But I’ve been on the train for a half hour. How could I have only gone three stops?’ I check my watch again. It is 7:00am, not 6:00am. I went twenty-some-odd stops in the right direction, went past my stop, got turned around at the end of the line, and then went twenty-some-odd stops back. I was very tired and a little drunk so this chain of thought required the entire span of time between one station and the next(remember: I’m still going in the wrong direction). As I got off to find the right train, I was a little mad at myself. Not for missing my stop though. I was mad because I slept through the train’s turn around. I’ve always wondered how they do that.

I finally got out at my stop around 8 and emerged into an annoyingly sunny day. I hate going to sleep on a sunny day. It makes me question my decisions. Rather than dwell on what could have been an opportunity for constructive self-reflection, I went to McDonald’s which is an opportunity for self-loathing. The hashbrown was delicious. I wish I had gotten two of them.

-verb

1. to assert one’s influence via physical size and strength, feigned ignorance of cultural norms, or any other advantage one can glean as a foreigner.

Origin:

2000-2010, Konglish

-Related Words and Synonyms:

-to guk

-waegukin

-to BFI(Brute Force and Ignorance)

-gaijin smash(Japan only)

Waegukin is a commonly used word among foreigners in Korea. We use it to describe ourselves despite the fact that we do not always like it when Koreans use it to describe us. There is not another word that encompasses our situation any better. Foreigner is too broad and unspecific and using a nationality is too specific since there are English teachers from so many different countries. The word gets thrown around a lot and its versatility has led to some interesting variations. My favorite is using it as a verb: to waeguk. I heard it used as a verb for the first time quite recently so I thought it would be fun to write up the definition as I see it.

To waeguk can be used in a variety of situations that can be quite different from one another. The first use concerns physical size and strength. Think of this by picturing a big, happy, Black Labradore in a room full of fine furniture with expensive lamps. It makes you cringe, but you cannot fault the Lab. Just look at him, he doesn’t know any better… It feels like sometimes I get a wide berth because I am a very tall waegukin. At this point, I don’t really mind taking advantage of it.

Feigned cultural ignorance is a personal favorite of my friend. His signature move was at Beer Hofs. These places usually make you order food along with beer. This is not a problem for Koreans since they always eat something while they drink. Americans, however, cannot stand it. I spent a very long week herding around class after class of little semi-lingual monsters. I don’t want any french fries or fruit platters slowing down my self-medication. My buddy and I know the run-down and we know enough Korean to understand “You must order food, too”, but he would just smile and nod and say ‘Mekju du-byeong juseyo’(two beers, please). Then it becomes a battle of wills. The waiter always loses.

Another common situation is at the bank. Banks have these ticket machines like you see at a deli counter. You take your ticket and wait for your number to be called, right? Not if you are a waygukin. You walk in, look lost and maybe a little scared, and wander aimlessly until a staff member that speaks English comes over to ask ‘May I help you?’ Game. Set. Match.

This next one was especially effective during the swine flu scare. This is a match made in heaven between two seemingly unrelated truths in Korea: 1. it can be hard to get a seat on the subway. 2. Foreigners are viewed as plague rats. Fourteen stops to Itaewon and no seats are free? Start coughing(make it good) and then take your pick.

This all may seem strange and just plain wrong if you have not lived here. I think this kind of behavior stems from two things i have touched on before. The first is that as foreigners we are subject to a different moral standard that functions like a pick-your-own adventure novel. The second is that, in Korea, maintaining one’s mental health means taking control of the small situations in anyway you can. Get out there and start wayguking. It is your birthright.

Korea does not like heroes, that is to say, they do not need someone to rally around. I found this pretty fascinating and it was interesting to hear him say why. He explained that Koreans like to go about things their own way and do not want anyone setting the tone for them. The example he gave was pretty interesting. If a group of Koreans played a group of Japanese in a game of soccer, the two teams would form very differently. In the Japanese team, the oldest and/ or the best athlete would automatically be chosen as the leader, the rest of the team would form accordingly and that would be the end of it. In the Korean team, there would be a bit of a dispute: “What makes you think you’re the best?” or “You really think you can lead?” In the end no one would really end up being captain. It was interesting to hear this from him because I seem to notice people working well together most of the time.

Korean public works construction is a ploy to get more money. I had noticed for a long time that there were lots of public works projects wherever I went in Korea. I thought it was great that side walks were being redone in granite and stone. While this does result in better looking cities(they still have a long way to go), the reason is a bit more sinister. My friend explained to me why this is. It turns out public works is a way to burn through the city’s remaining budget money. If the city spends slightly more than its allocated budget, then next year it will get a slightly larger budget. Pretty clever. If you stick around long enough, you will see the same sidewalk redone every three years or so.

Korean men hate the iPhone 4G. This was counter-intuitive fore me. Like most men, Korean men like to show a little wealth and status. Cell phones are a big way to do that. The iPhone 3G is new to Korea and is very popular for those who can afford it. So why do they hate the new 4G? Because it has a second camera for video chat. Video chat means that one’s girlfriend can video-chat with you anywhere there is wi-fi. In Korea, that is just about everywhere. Korean girls tend to go heavy on the texts and calls throughout the day. Twenty texts a day is average. Giving them video chat is like giving the United States another air craft carrier. It is an additional weapon in the arsenal that they just don’t need.

It is great to talk to this guy. He has a lot of information and perspective. Sometimes it is funny, sometimes I disagree with it, but I always listen. He is one of my best sources of information in my attempt to understand this place.

We went to a place called Night(spelled in Konglish) in Nowon. The club was set up just as i had heard them described. There was a DJ and a dance floor and then probably about a hundred booths set around tables. Upon each table was the mythical lamp that makes these places so special. What happens is, you hold up the lamp, shake it(perhaps rubbing it would be more appropriate) and a floor man walks over. He asks you what kind of girls you like, he then goes to a different table of girls, and brings them over to you. He is not a pimp and the girls are not escorts or anything like that. It is just a place where guys and girls can meet each other, with just a bit of facilitation. It is just as wonderful as it sounds; I was there until 5:30 in the morning. I got a number from the a pretty girl who also happened to be the first one I talked to. She also does not drink and goes to church every Sunday. Korea is never without a sense of irony. But it is a great Korean experience. In the words of Ferris Bueller: “If you have the means, I highly recommend it. It is so choice.” Perhaps not as great as a 250 California Spyder, but hey just go with it.

On Monday morning(for the purposes of maintaining my sanity, Monday morning is still considered the weekend) I hiked Buramsan. Buramsan is a mountain that can be reached by walking from anywhere close to Unhaeng Sageori. There are a bunch of trails that would take days to do all of. I have been chipping away at it and I finally have some good pictures to post. Today was also interesting because I ran into some Korean soldiers camped at the top. I would have talked to them but they were busy and a bit intimidating. Once I crossed the ridge, I could hear drilling soldiers and artillery practice in the valley below. It really put into perspective how close I am to the DMZ, and therefore North Korea. Nowon is about 35km from the North Korean border. Other parts of Seoul are around 20km. It also reminded me of a strange situation I have here. I cannot read the local newspaper, so when it comes to news concerning tensions between North Korea and the world, I get information from the same channels as just about everyone else in the world: the New York Times and the BBC. I never really get a good impression from my Korean friends and I am always hesitant to ask. The recent tension over the Cheonan seems to be fading, but history has proven that a small gust is all that is needed to turn ash into flame. Despite my physical proximity to this land and culture, my mental proximity to these things is vast in some cases.

Hearing the artillery practice eliminated that mental distance in a millisecond. There are soldiers down there and they are training and preparing for the worst of all eventualities. It was eerie. Now that this has crossed my mind, I think that in the future I will find silence just as unsettling.

I met an American guy when I was traveling in Thailand. He had been teaching in China for three years and could speak a good bit of Mandarin. I would say he had his finger on Asia’s cultural pulse, or at least enough to know how much he still did not know. A group of us were drinking at a Thai bar and he made a joke about how the Thai language looks like ‘squigglies and paperclips’. At this, an American girl we had just met took out her soap box to stand on and launched into a diatribe about being insensitive. She went on to say that she had been learning Thai and could now read newspapers. The Thai alphabet has forty-some-odd letters and their sound values change depending on their placement in the word. I have a friend who lived in Thailand for about a year and learned Thai. She can speak it quite well, but still cannot read a lick of it. How long had this American girl been in Thailand? Three weeks. Once her soap box was safely put away, she proceeded to put in her drink order with the waitress. This was achieved by using forceful menu-pointing and over-emphasized, loud English. My American friend may have made a bad joke, but he would never say that to a Thai person. He also knows that being louder does not make you easier to understand.

Another example is the people who refuse to eat at McDonald’s, Starbucks, or other western establishments while traveling on the grounds that they want to experience local culture. I happen to love going to McDonald’s in every country I visit. It is fun to see how it is different. I am in a Starbucks right now, and it is full of Koreans. I am currently experiencing Korean culture in a similar manner to Koreans my own age. Coffee is very new to Korea, yet they love it and have embraced it fully. Also, coffee shops are a great way to meet Koreans. I used to know all the barristas at the Tom n’ Toms in Jeonju where I used to live. Globalization is what got me here in the first place so I do not think it makes sense to swear it off once I get here. I think there are some great traditional aspects to Korean culture. I love the temple architecture, I love (most of) the food, and I think it is great that I can go to a festival nearly every week of the year. But Korea is changing quickly and to ignore those changes in the name of ‘cultural sensitivity’ is like closing your eyes, sticking your fingers in your ears, and going: ‘LALALALALALALALA LALA’.

Reading and Writing

This is one area where I can at least say which one is easiest. Korean is by far the easiest out of the three. It is the only one with an alphabet. This alphabet is strictly phonetic. I can read Korean quite quickly at this point. I may not have any idea what it means, but I know exactly how it sounds. Chinese has a character set with something like 5,000 characters required for fluency. This character set is not phonetic. Looking at a character gives you no indication of how to pronounce it. Japanese uses this same character set in addition to two syllaberies. One is for native words and one is for foreign words. That being said about the character set, it is not as daunting if you are a visual learner. After an initially steep learning curve, it can be pretty easy to learn vocabulary. I have started to learn Hanja(the Korean version of the Chinese character set) and it allows me to pick up new Korean vocabulary very quickly. It is a bit similar to Latin and Greek roots in English.

Speaking and Pronunciation

I would hazard a guess that Chinese is the hardest of the three in this respect. This is because Chinese is tonal. I know it would be the hardest for me because I am not very musically inclined and would have trouble picking out tones. The meaning of words changes depending on the pitch or how stress the end of the word. I knew a guy who lived in China for three years and knew a decent bit of Mandarin. He said he could kind of bullshit his way through the tones and still get his point across. Korean is not tonal(thank goodness for me) but it does have some peculiarities for the English tongue and ear. It has what are known as aspirated and tensed consonants. ‘G’ and ‘k’ sounds come in three varieties, as do ‘d’ and ‘t’, and ‘j’ and ‘ch’ sounds. I find the existence of these similar consonant sounds fascinating since Korean has no ‘f’, ‘v’, or ‘z’ sounds. Also, ‘r’ and ‘l’ are more or less the same sound. That eliminates a lot of consonant sounds. There is also a vowel sound that we just don’t really have in English. It is closest to the sound between the ‘b’ and ‘r’ in brake. Japanese and Korean(not sure about Chinese) also have levels of formality known as honorific forms. Korean has seven and Japanese probably about the same. Vocabulary and verb endings change depending on the age and status of the two people talking.

Grammar

Of the three, my understanding is that Chinese is the simplest. I’ve heard that the syntax is very easy to grasp and tenses are relatively easy. Korean and Japanese have somewhat similar grammar systems and use a subject-object-verb syntax. For example in English we say I kicked the ball, but in Korean you would say I ball kicked. I have heard that Japanese grammar has been simplified and some of the more obscure verb endings and forms have been phased out. Korean still maintains the grammatical constructions it has been using for the last few hundred years and is probably the hardest of the two.

In conclusion, each language is the hardest in respective categories but they all seem to balance out to me. I know that the DLI(Department of Defense Language Institute) places all three at the CAT IV level, which is the highest and requires 2200 hours of study. I have heard that at one point Korean was going to be placed in a CAT V level all by itself, but as of right now it remains on par with the other two. So if you are considering an Asian language to learn, don’t pick based on difficulty. I think its best to pick the one that lines up with the girls and food you like best.